The Gold Dress

I've recently returned from a cruise to the Caribbean. Other than Canada, which is vastly different from the Caribbean, my husband and I had never been out of the states before. First time for a passport, first time for a cruise, first time we've spent so much money on a vacation. All our previous vacations were pretty thrifty, we hiked, we looked for good deals on vrbo (vacation rental by owner), we often made our own meals. This year we splurged for two reasons: 1) a friend lost his wife unexpectedly. I wanted my husband and I to do something special before it was too late for us, and 2) basically, I felt I deserved a great vacation like this. I have had some struggles, and, it's time for my reward.

Our seven night cruise had two formal nights. Being a woman, I naturally felt I needed a new dress for this occasion, not only to show off my tan, but because we reached a milestone 30 years in our marriage.

A funny thing happened as we prepared for our vacation though, and it's basically all because of a book and that gold dress.

In an earlier post I shared that I read Radical by David Platt. I started not feeling so good about spending all that money on a vacation when I could be using that money for God. I could go to Africa, India, or China. I could donate my dollars to the mission, a needy family, the church. And, no excusing not doing any of those things because I deserve a good vacation. There is no-where in the Bible where God says, "feed the widow, but, take your vacation first".

Also, my dress, which I made, wasn't coming along so smoothly. The pattern isn't actually made for altering, and, being 6'1", it needed to be altered. Got that figured out, and then I just couldn't quite understand how the lining was supposed to work. Took it apart about 4 times before I finally got it right. Then, I tried it on, and the invisible zipper looked more like an "S" curve than the straight line it was supposed to be, and it was hanging all crookedy on me. Frustration! About this time I'm thinking to myself that I really didn't need a new dress, I had some perfectly good dressy clothes that would be fine for formal night. Stubbornly I kept on, and was finally successful. The gold, lined, designer dress, that would have cost me $350 plus in the store, I made for $55 and a lot of frustration.

I think God must feel a lot about me like I felt about that dress. He remains faithful to me, while I'm altering His plan and trying about 6 different ways other than the way He's been prompting me to go. I show the world "Barb in the gold dress", and He sees me in the crookedy dress and still loves me. He is stubborn about me too--He's not going to give up on making me into the Holy woman He created me to be (even though I may fight Him at every turn).

What about that vacation though? I still went on the cruise, and had a fabulous time. It was great to be pampered and be waited on hand and foot, never have to even think about making a meal, or where to go to eat. It was very decadent--you leave your room and when you come back, your bed is made up. You can eat 24 hours a day. All you really have to do is think how you will spend your time and the crew does the rest. I'd like to tell you I was ready to get back to real life on my return, but sadly, that would not be true.

I do want to think more deeply about how I'm using my money. When I consider what I do in my life, or where I vacation I want to ask God first for His leading. I want to honor Him in all my decisions, and I want to somehow promote and support more justice for people who have not been as blessed as I am financially, and who do not have spiritual freedom. I would like to surrender more of myself to God--actually, I would like to fully surrender myself to God. Just saying that out loud feels risky.

Do you know the song "Healing Rain" by Michael W. Smith? Well, in the chorus it says:

Healing rain, it comes with fire,
so let it fall and take us higher,
Healing rain I'm not afraid,
to be washed in Heaven's rain

I've been thinking about this song, and wondering about that sentence "healing rain, I'm not afraid". At first blush you think, why would we be afraid of healing rain? But here's the why. God really does want all of me. He doesn't mince words in His book - He says "leave your family and follow me". He says, "leave your friends and come to My banquet table". He says "take up your cross and follow me". That calls for complete surrender. That calls for the willingness to be healed (give up that temptation that you're hiding in secret, love that neighbor you can't stand). That calls for passionate followers of Christ. Let's face it, that calls for sacrifice.

This is on my heart a lot lately. Am I willing?

There is a part of me that is afraid. What will He ask? I think He is close to asking me something. Will I hear? How will I know it's Him? Will I obey? Will I accept His passport to the life He wants to give me? (Isaiah 35:8)