There is No Plan B

I have just finished reading "Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream" by David Platt (the link will take you to an excerpt of the 1st chapter). I'm not quite sure how to start--for me, this book creates a feeling in me similar to The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Stearns and Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala. I don't know how you can read any of these books, and not have some sort of fire lit within you.

Platt has written a no holds barred book about what Jesus has called us to do--as he says in chapter seven

We are the plan of God, and there is no Plan B

Really think about that a minute. We are the plan of God, there is no Plan B. Are we really living as though what we say and do is critical to God's plan for the world? The premise of the book is that churches, both the buildings themselves and us, the people who make the church, have succumbed to the American Dream that stuff equals happiness, that large and full churches equals fulfilling the gospel plan, that marketing equals sharing the gospel. We have watered down God to church attendance and Bible Study attendance. We have limited God's purpose for the world by our complacency, and Platt wants to open our eyes wide to what it really means to be a follower of Jesus. What does it mean? Look to chapter 4:

Meanwhile, Jesus commands us to go. He has created each of us to take the gospel to the ends of the earth, and I propose that anything less than radical devotion to this purpose is unbiblical Christianity

Wow, those are strong words, but, I have to agree that is what Jesus tells us to do, "Go and make disciples of the nations". I have to ask myself, am I doing that, in even a small way? And, the message seems so large, and well, radical. Yet, that is what God asks us to do, isn't it? To live for Him in a radical way. He did tell us we would be strangers in this world - am I living as though I am a stranger in this world? Am I living as though Heaven is my real world, and not earth? Am I, even in small ways at work and home, fulfilling God's mission for this world? I like that Platt doesn't just leave us hanging, he gives us some practical ways to begin. I also like that he doesn't leave any excuses for not making a beginning, and that he awakens a desire in you to be the man or woman God created us to be.

Platt leaves us with a one year challenge, a challenge to become more of who God created us to be:

1. Pray for the entire world;
2. Read through the entire Word;
3. sacrifice your money for a specific purpose;
4. spend your time in another context (impact communities, nations, world for the glory of Christ);
5. commit your life to a multiplying community (join a community of faith, take up your cross and follow Him)

I once heard a story about a nun who had a vision of Jesus. If I remember correctly she saw Jesus in a church, His hands were tied behind His back, and He was weeping. I don't want to be a person who leaves Jesus ineffective in my world. I want my words and actions to honor Him. I want your words and actions to honor Him. I want to encourage you, and I want you to encourage me. This is what Radical will propel you towards. So friends (you know who you are), if you end up reading this, please call me so we can have book club and talk about how we can allow the Holy Spirit to radically change us to fulfill God's plan.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review

A Romance on Three Legs: Glenn Gould's Obsessive Quest for the Perfect Piano by Katie Hafner

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I first learned about this book from the Barnes and Noble week in review. As a child who grew up with a piano playing mother and a baby grand piano in her home, I was intrigued. As noted in the title, the book is based on piano player Glenn Gould and his search for the perfect piano.

I enjoyed this book so much. I didn't know the history of the piano and the people who tuned and played them was so interesting.

• The Steinway piano began with a cabinet maker who built a piano in his home in Seesen Germany, built a successful piano company there, and then emigrated to the US. Eventually this cabinetmaker and his family created Steinway and Sons. They not only built quality pianos, but they marketed them in such a way that a girl was not considered accomplished unless she could play the piano.
• Blind people (primarily men and boys) were trained to tune pianos--you wanted a blind person to tune your piano as they were more attuned to the "voice" of the instrument. We follow the story of Verne Edquist from Saskatchawan, from a dirt poor family, whose mother could not support him. He had less than 10% of his vision, and local community members pooled their money so that he could be sent to a school for a blind, which eventually led to his becoming an accomplished piano tuner. He heard colors in sounds, and I loved how that came out in his story and in his experience in tuning pianos.
• Then we have Glenn Gould. When Glenn was three, his parents discovered that he had perfect pitch. He could read music before he could read words. When five, he played the piano in public for the first time. At age 14 he played for the first time with the Toronto Symphony. Due to his upbringing, and some obsessive compulsive type behaviors, he was a rather odd performer, but that did not detract from his fame or his ability.
• CD 318 is the piano that most met his needs, and that he did most of his recordings on. He really loved this piano as thought it was his friend.

This book weaves all the above points into a highly readable account. One thing that I think is amazing is how you have these 2 characters that are a bit odd, Verne Edquist and Glenn Gould, and how they come together in a partnership that lets CD 318 "sing". I also find it interesting that so many artists, musical or otherwise, have these odd tics that are a part of them. Is their oddity what gives their art such beauty? Think of the artists you known that struggle with alcohol, drugs, phobias and yet have left the world with lasting treasures.

Part of the Christian message is that brokenness leads to wholeness, and I always wonder about this part in the artist's journey. Here also, we have distinctly different lives, and yet,they hold hands for the unique time and space that allows this artist to shine. It is difficult for me to keep God out of that, although He does not seem to be given credit for the gifts He bestowed.

I have been intrigued to learn more about Glenn Gould, downloading his recordings from itunes, and checking out some videos on youtube. I encourage you to do the same.

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The Postmistress by Sarah Blake

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book hooked me in right from the beginning. "What would you think of a postmistress who chose not to deliver the mail?" Frankie Bard asks, and captures the attention of everyone at her dinner table. When they find out it's true, and that it happened 1941 during the war, they are shocked. It is from this beginning that the story unfolds.

It is a story of war and of love told from the eyes of several people, mainly Frankie Bard, reporter and Iris James, Postmaster of Franklin, Massachusetts. You are taken from the bomb shelters of Britain, to the trains of Europe that hold the Jews who are trying to escape and back to Franklin, Massachusetts where the townspeople hear Frankie's stories of war on the radio. They listen, but with that suspension of disbelief that comes from being on the edge of a story and not living the story itself. We live on the outside of so many stories don't we? We don't pay attention to the details and clues that might come our way and help us to help someone else escape from the story that they are in. I think that happens because we are afraid--if we get too far into another person's story, we might be changed. Perhaps we, like Dr. Fitch in the story, might say

We are all of us here in the mess. There's no way around it. And all I am in the face of it is a single voice and a pair of hands. Not anyone's son anymore. Not anyone's husband. Anonymous but necessary. Vital. A Lucky Strike.

The people and stories in "The Postmistress" were real to me. I wanted to know what was going to happen to them. In fact, I cheated, as I often do, and read the ending before I finished the book because I just had to know.

Once you've finished reading you might want to check out the author interview. I would definitely wait until you were finished with the book though, or the story may be ruined for you.

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Cleopatra: Vixon or Brilliant?

Cleopatra: A Life by Stacy Schiff

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

When I finished reading this book, I thought, oh, it was okay. But then I started telling a friend about it, and decided I like it much more than I thought. It is fascinating to me that there are really no images of Cleopatra, only her coin portraits are accepted as authentic. So here we have a woman, who

ruled Egypt for twenty-two years. She lost a kingdom once, regained it,nearly lost it again, amassed an empire, lost it all. A goddess as a child, a queen at eighteen . . . at the height of her power she controlled virtually the entire eastern Mediterranean coast, the last great kingdom of any Egyptian ruler

In a way, this book is a myth buster. Consider what you know about Cleopatra. This is what I knew - she was a queen, she was beautiful, she killed herself by allowing herself to be bitten by a snake. Guess what, all of this was wrong in some degree.

• She was a more than a queen, she styled herself as a goddess, and was considered a deity.
• From correspondence of her time we know that she was not a stunning beauty, but a great conversationalist and highly intelligent - go figure, a woman who is loved for her mind!
• The cause of her death still leaves room for speculation, but it is thought to have been from poison, not from a snake bite.
• Cleopatra spoke 9 languages - 9! One of them Egyptian, which shouldn't have been a surprise other than the fact that her family was not really Egyptian at all, but rather Macedonian Greek.

I learned a lot about Cleopatra, Egypt, Rome, and the history of those empires in this book. As is often the case with successful, brilliant women, her accomplishments were attributed to the men she associated herself with. This book sets the record straight.

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Becoming Odyssa: Epic Adventures on the Appalachian Trail by Jennifer Pharr Davis

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Thank you Goodreads for your monthly contests, and for this book. I was interested "Becoming Odyssa" because my husband and I have hiked parts of the Appalachian Trail, most often in Tennessee. It was fun to have firsthand knowledge of some of the areas the author hiked, most notably Unicoi Gap and Clingman's Dome. I enjoyed the second half of the book more than the first half. I felt like the author became more real, or more vulnerable in her writing as the book progressed.

I always like books about strong women, and this book is no exception. For a 21 year old to hike the trail alone takes courage and endurance. "Odyssa" proved she had both. She persevered through some really hard days, made good friends, learned a lot about her faith and herself. Having hiked some mountain trails, over paths made of tree roots, boulders and stones myself, I felt I could understand her challenges to a certain degree. I am so impressed that she hiked for over 2,000 miles, in rain, snow, bugs and never gave up. She pushed her body to the limits and became strong both mentally and physically. I loved how she became more in tune with nature, saying

The trail allowed me to feel a strong sense of freedom. And it helped me to see the oppression of a busy schedule and the way we multitask in civilization. I no longer saw what was civil about filling my life with commitments if I couldn't stop to watch the sunset or listen to the birds sing." She goes on to reflect, "the problem in college, and in life, was that there were a lot of people who knew what I was, but they didn't know who I was.

Although the illustrations in the book were lovely, I wish there had been actual photos, I was curious to know what the author looked like. I did peek at her photo on the back cover about halfway through the book. She looked so joyful--I felt like that joy came out as she moved forward on her journey.

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The Sound of Many Waters

We were at a wedding this past weekend in a very unique venue. The bride and groom were married at Meijer Gardens in what I believe is one of the butterfly rooms. The temperature was tropical, the plants were lush, small birds occasionally flitted by, and there was a small waterfall that gurgled during the ceremony. It was difficult to hear the preacher, you had to listen really hard to hear her voice over the water. She spoke about the hard work of marriage, being each others strength, and the fact that as Jesus was at the wedding where he performed the first miracle, turning the water into wine, and turning disaster into joy, so He is here with us at this wedding. I was reminded about how much of marriage is about forgiveness and grace, and what a challenge it is to actually live what Jesus calls us to live. Sometimes, every day is a starting over. I'm always so grateful that God remembers that we are dust, and that we who are believers have passed from judgment into life.

As we left the wedding the thing that most stuck in my head was how difficult it had been to hear the message due to the waterfall. It wasn't a large waterfall at all, probably 3 to 4 feet high. In fact it was more like water falling over rocks in multiple trickles than an actual waterfall. It made me think of Revelation 1:15, where God's voice is described as the sound of many running waters. I always pictured God's voice as being a Niagara Falls type voice, but now, I'm not so sure. I had to listen really hard to hear the preacher at all. The falling water, although beautiful, became annoying and distracting to me. Perhaps "the sound of many waters" just means that when God speaks all other sounds will disappear. His voice will be so compelling that we will desire to hear Him and nothing else. Then the noise that we currently live in, and flow toward, will take it's rightful place as an annoyance and distraction from God. We will physically walk in the garden with God as our friend and companion, He will call us "Beloved" and we will be at peace.

Fall in the Smoky Mountains

In October we went back to one of my favorite places in the world - the Smoky Mountains. We always stay near the park, and enjoy visiting our favorite haunts - Cade's Cover, Roaring Forks Motor Trail, and an annual trek down main street of Gatlinburg. This year, we rented from Highland Condos, which is nestled in the mountains just above Gatlinburg. Our little deck area looked over the mountains and down on the city of Gatlinburg.

We had a sweet little lawn area to our right as we looked over the mountains. It was such fun for us to be witness to two weddings that took place there. The first wedding happened on Friday afternoon. It was so simple and sweet - the bride work black dress pants and a sheer striped blouse with a camisole underneath and a short veil. She carried a simple posy bouquet. Her two children were allowed to be children, by which I mean they were doing some chatting and wandering during the ceremony. I loved how the pastor spoke to them about how they were to obey and honor their parents, not just now, but all of their lives, and had them speak the promise. He explained to them that their parents were still children as well and that God still expected them to honor their parents too. I heard him say to the bride and groom that if they ever had any problems, no matter what the time of day or night, that they should call him and he would help. The second wedding was on Saturday, and the bride and groom wore the traditional wedding gown and tuxedo.

On Saturday as well, we planned to take a hike to the jump-off (a trail off the Appalachian Trail). We headed out for what we thought would be a leisurely day. However, partway up the mountain, smoke began puffing out of the front of the car as though it were a dragon gasping for air. This was not good. We finally pulled off by one of the many areas that they make for visitors to the mountains. Ron was not happy and took a walk down the mountain. I sat in the car and prayed. All kinds of things were going through my head - like, how do we get a tow truck to get us down the mountain! God sent a traveler though, a nice little man, somewhat portly, who was wearing black dress pants and a long sleeve black/white checked shirt. His wife was in their vehicle wearing a navy polyester pant suit. In his little ole southern twang he asked if we needed assistance - I called my husband back out of the mountain, while saying to this gentleman, please don't get yourself dirty, it looks like you are going somewhere special! But no, he said, we're just out foolin around. When he left he added this pithy remark - I never travel without a gallon of water and vise grips. So, with the help of this traveler, we added water to the reservoir, and headed back down the mountain. We were lucky to make it! As we were waiting for help at the service station, Ron started adding water - it was coming out as fast as it was coming in! As a result we had to be towed to Sevierville. This could have been a rotten day, but some of the events made it pleasurable for me. The first event, obviously was my portly gentleman. The second thing was the language of the tow truck driver - no, it wasn't bad language, but it was old fashioned language. My husband and I had been talking about sighting animals in the Cade's Cove area and he remarked that the best time was "in the light of the evening". Isn't that pretty. I just loved that. My husband said to me, "no-one talks like that anymore", and then, in a rare moment of understanding, he looked at me and said "that's why you like it, isn't it!" Yes indeed!

The next fun thing was at our service station in Sevierville. I was talking to the manager, Josh, and a delivery man came in with just a small package to deliver. I stopped talking and just looked at him--I watched him put down the package, and turn around to leave. I turned around to watch him leave. I turned back to Josh and whispered in astonishment "he looks just like Elvis!" Josh just started giggling while telling me that he is an Elvis impersonator on the side! Really! This is true! I started giggling as well and so regret that I did not react fast enough to take his picture with my phone and post it on facebook! Unfortunately Elvis is a little shorter, a little fatter and a little older! The service station people were so helpful, and called all around trying to find us a car to rent with no luck. We finally ended up walking to the Enterprise rental place, 2 miles down the road, and were fortunately able to rent a truck. Ron loved his truck, and it was fun to tour the mountains with it.
Our budget vacation didn't end up too budget what with a $120 towing charge, $470 vehicle repair and $150 truck rental, but we were not hurt, the colors were beautiful, and we were not at work, so, all in all I feel like God took care of us very well!

Holiness, Love, Robin Hood, Banners and Arby's

Have you ever had a time, or times, in your life where it feels like God is having a conversation with you? That's one of the times I am in right now. I've just come out of a period in my life where I've had to really work to live one of the basic tenants that I believe, which is: everyone deserves to be treated with respect. I have had such a very difficult time putting this into practice.

In addition to the challenge of living this, I've struggled with God's mandate to love our neighbor as ourselves. It seems like, as a Christian, with a new Spirit put in me, that I ought to have been able to overcome the failings in my human nature to walk this path with joy. Instead, the path has been lonely, full of stumblings and the feeling of letting people and God down.

There are some bright sides to this path though, and I don't want to lose the light that I've gained. I stuck with God. I learned to not just talk to God, but to let Him be my confidante and best friend. I learned to say, there is nothing, nothing, that can fill my empty places except for my relationship with God himself. I learned to shut my mouth (well, a lot of the times anyway), and to talk to God before I reacted to some of those rough spots in my path. I learned that "I" had to get out of the way, and say to God (with some desperation) every day, "I can't do this, You must help me". Every day God proved His faithfulness enabling me to make it through with some success. This is what I don't want to lose. I don't want to lose the fact that even now, when my path is getting easier, that only God can get me through. Only God can fill those empty places.

So, what does this have to do with holiness, love, Robin Hood and banners?

I'm reading two new books. The first, 66 Love Letters: A Conversation With God That Invites you Into His Story by Dr. Larry Crabb reminds me with every chapter, that God did not EVER promise us a trouble-free life. This wonderful book takes each chapter of the Bible as though it was a love letter from God. Each chapter begins with the author saying to God, "What are you saying to me God", and then (love this part), pretty much complaining about the hard stuff God wants us to do and learn. God answers the questions and invites us deeper into the story at the end of each chapter. The basic premise is, God wants us to be Holy. The only way He seems to get us to pay attention to Him is when we are in a time of brokenness. God will do whatever He has to do to get our attention and get us to His party. So, my stumbles have, hopefully, made me a mite more ready for God's party.

The second book I'm reading is through a church initiative: The Relationship Principles of Jesus by Tom Holladay and Rick Warren. This book focuses on the first two Commandments: Love the Lord Your God with your heart, soul and mind, and (this is key), your neighbor as yourself. I'm enjoying it much more than I thought, and, it also affirms my struggle to love (or even like) people that I'd just as soon not have a relationship with. But, there's no getting away from it. This is what God calls us to do. It too, is hard, but necessary.

So, now to Robin Hood. We watched the new Russell Crowe version this weekend. I really liked it. I don't know, there's something about these movie sagas (Lord of the Rings, Gladiator) that appeals to my imagination. Something about their good over evil theme attracts me. So, I'm watching Robin Hood, and they're going to war with their banners waving, and the streams of soldiers and horses, and I'm thinking, we should go to church waving some sort of Christian banner. Maybe the pomp and circumstance of it would be a fitting display of how we are all for Jesus.

So, I'm stuck on this idea for a while, and then I think of my books, and how God calls us to holiness and love. And I think, oh yes! God says, "love your neighbor as yourself". God says "the world will know you by your love for me and for each other". Well, that means that "Love" should be the banner I'm waving every day. Kind of like that Arby's sign over the roast beef lover's head. Only I love GOD, not some stupid roast beef sandwich! My sign of love ought to be much more obvious. I have a feeling that I look like the goat in this picture way more often than I look like a holy woman! So people, be patient with me in my more "goatish" moments--start singing "His Banner Over Me is Love" and remind me Who I belong to.

Remembering and Propinquity

Propinquity is a new word for me. I learned it in a fascinating book I'm reading titled Influencer: The Power to Change Anything. The book itself, as it suggests, is about influencing people to change, and perhaps I'll blog about that another time. But for now, I want to focus on "propinquity". Aside from the fact that I just like the way it sounds, I've found myself thinking about this word quite a lot. Webster gives it two meanings: 1) nearness of blood, or kinship, and 2) nearness in place or time.

The authors suggest that we should consider propinquity when we look at our work and our home spaces. Remember when you were growing up and your family ate dinner together, watched TV shows together, hung out in the family room together? We had a lot of propinquity right? We maybe didn't want to be near to each other time, but we were. Family rituals, good and bad, happened around the kitchen table. The authors shared that dining room tables are disappearing from homes at an astonishing rate. They suggest that:

the dining room table is a significant facilitator of family togetherness and that when you do away with the table, families lose a large portion of family togetherness time.

What happened? Behold, the microwave. No longer do families need to spend time together preparing meals, they just warm it up, or pop the meal itself in, the microwave. Do your children have TVs in their rooms? More than likely yes. So, no more family time (or fights) about what to watch on TV. I think also, because more families have both mom and dad working, or, a single mom or dad, we just don't really want to put the time into the negotiations involved into finding a program that everyone wants to watch. We're tired and don't feel like making a meal that involves actual meal preparation, or waiting for your teenager to get home from soccer practice so you can all eat together. Even now, when my kids are gone, my husband and I don't eat at the table, instead we plant ourselves in our easy chairs and listen to the news. It's rather sad isn't it?

Do you know what made me think of all this? As I was sitting in my chair, waiting for my husband to come home from work, I heard a mom outside calling for her kids. That brought back such memories. When I was young, we didn't call up our friends on the phone, we went to their house, probably the back door, and called out their name. "Juuuu-lie" And her mom would call out, "Julie's not home right now", or "Julie, Barb's here". It seems almost comical now, but that's how we made plans with our friends. Of course back then (I sound so old), we didn't need to phone our friends, we could walk or ride our bikes to their house.

I don't know that I really have a point here, other than that you should strive to make the space in your home a space that invites propinquity--keep that dining room table and create kinship within your family and with your friends.

Becoming Real

Becoming real . . . the Bible tells us that when we fall in love with Jesus we "strip ourselves of our former nature [put off and discard your old unrenewed self] which characterized your previous manner of life, and becomes corrupt through lusts and desires that spring from delusion." Ephesians 4:22

I like what David Muyskens writes:

This new self is who we really are. We have a case of mistaken identity and work under the illusion that the old self is who we really are.

C. S. Lewis says:

The real Son of God is at your side. He is beginning to turn you into the same kind of thing as Himself. He is beginning, so to speak, to "inject" His kind of thought and life, His "zoe" (life) into you; beginning to turn the tin soldier into a live man. The part of you that does not like it is the part that is still tin. (Mere Christianity)

I can't improve on these two gentlemen, so I'll just say, it is challenging work, to become real!

The Inside is Bigger Than It's Outside

A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you.
Ezekial 36:26

This week my Bible study corresponds to my exercise in walking closer to God every day. I have a lot of thoughts floating through my head. Let's see if I can make sense of them. Ezekial tells us that God will sprinkle clean water on us, and we'll be clean from all our uncleanness, and we won't have any idols any more in our lives. Nothing or no-one to take us away from our closeness with God. As a result God gives us a new heart and a new spirit. He takes away our stony hearts and gives us a heart of flesh. Not sure exactly what that means, but I'm pretty sure in some way He makes me nicer than I really am!

Bible study is on Revelation focusing this week on how we as Christians are sealed with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is a "guarantee of our inheritance" (Eph. 1:13-14), we are "branded as Gods' own, secured for the the day of redemption" (Eph. 4:30) and we are appropriated as God's by "His seal on us and giving us His Holy Spirit in our hearts as a security deposit". Seems as though you can't have a new heart unless you are indeed sealed with the Holy Spirit, doesn't it? But, there's more! 2 Timothy 2:19 tells us "The Lord knows who are His, let all who names himself by the name of the Lord give up all iniquity and stand aloof from it" (scripture is from Amplified Bible). There's still more! 2 Timothy 2:20-21 gives us a little homily on how every home has vessels for special occasions, or honorable and noble use, and then vessels for menial and ignoble use. Guess what. If we are consecrated to the Master (God), then we become vessels for honorable and noble use. Further, if we are truly God's then we have His name on us and will have His seal on our foreheads to identify us as His own (Revelation 7:3). It's like a vast and wonderful story that you can't quite understand. But that's okay with me - I rather like the mystery of it. Which, now that I think of it is kind of weird cuz I really like to know what's happening in my life, both right now and in the future.

As I was thinking about this The Last Battle, the last of the Narnia stories by C. S. Lewis popped into my head. This is such a good story, and my favorite of the series. It's so hard to describe if you haven't read the story, but I'll try. It is the end times for Narnia. There is a great battle waging between good and evil and it appears as though the good will capitulate to the evil as they are cornered and forced into a little stable. But, here is the mystery and the wonder! Once inside the stable, where you'd expect darkness and defeat, there is instead light, and open air and comfort and beauty. In this new country then, you cannot see the stable itself, but only the door to the stable. If you peek into this door, you can still see the darkness of the old world.

Tirian says "it seems, then, that the Stable seen from within and the Stable seen from without are two different places." "Yes", said the Lord Digory. "Its inside is bigger than its outside". "Yes, said Queen Lucy. "In our world too, a Stable once had something inside it that was bigger than our whole world."

I think this is what it's like to have the Holy Spirit it you. It is bigger than our outside and makes us bigger than we can be without it. It's our seal, but also our, what shall I call it? I think I'll call it our "courage maker". It's what gives me the courage to forgive when I don't want to, stand up for what is right when all are against me, strive to become a Holy woman of God when really, it is just easier to be lazy. God, through His Holy Spirit, makes me bigger than I am, at least on my good days. On my bad days, I just pick myself up and try again!

Barb Thumb

For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation. Psalm 62: 1

What an interesting prayer practice today! I am going to have to try this again and again because I couldn't quite get past "opening the door", so to speak.

"Imagine that you are the size of your thumb and able to enter the vast interior of your soul. Go deep within and explore what is there. Be aware that you have entered a holy place, the dwelling of the Spirit ofChrist. Stay there, and allow that entire space to fill with the love of God." from Forty Days to A Closer Walk With God.

I imagined that my soul was my heart, and that I walked in the door of my heart to be with God. It was to my mind like entering a very private and secret place. I was awed that God would meet me there. It sort of made me want to cry, but in the way that you feel when your emotions are too overcome to give expression. Not sure if that makes sense or not. Tozer and MacDonald both make reference to having a private place to meet with God. Tozer says:

From [humanity's] standpoint the most tragic loss suffered in the Fall was the vacating of the inner sanctum by the Spirit of God. . . .For so intimately private is the place that no creature can intrude; no one can enter but Christ, and He will enter only by the invitation of faith.

MacDonald says:

As the fir-tree lifts up itself with a far different need from the need of the palm-tree, so does each man stand before God, and lift up a different humanity to the common Father. And for each God has a different response. With every man he has a secret--the secret of a new name. In every man there is a loneliness, an inner chamber of peculiar life into which God only can enter. . . From this it follows that there is a chamber also--(O God, humble and accept my speech)--a chamber in God himself, into which none can enter but the one, the individual, the peculiar man,--out of which chamber that man has to bring revelation and strength for his brethren. This is that for which he was made--to reveal the secret things of the Father. - Unspoken Sermons: The New Name

I love that. A special place for me in God, and a special place for God in me.

He knows my Needs

Matthew 6: 8b
For your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.

Isn't it nice to be known? It is not easy for me to let just anyone know me. There is a good book by Susan Howatch called Glittering Images which is about a bishop that hides his real self from the world, his wife, and his church. I think we're all a lot like that. I show you the nice and helpful Barb, but, be warned, there's a perfectly witchy Barb inside (just ask my husband). I don't find it easy to show my real self to a lot of people. That takes a lot of vulnerability, a lot of risk. If I show you my real self, and I trust you with my real self, and I love you with my real love--well, you may disappoint me. You may betray me. You could hurt me. That's scary. But, my Father, now He knows me. He sees all the way down to the marrow of me. He knows what I need before I ask Him. He even knows I'm going to be crabby at Him because He and I don't agree on what's good for me. But still, but still . . . He knows, and He still loves, and He promises never to disappoint. I like that He knows me like that. I like that my every thought, action, purpose is exposed to Him. It's weird in a way, cuz I know what He sees and it isn't good! But what a comfort, that He knows and He still loves.

Secret Prayer Equals Open Rewards

Matthew 6:6
But when you pray, go into your [most] private room, and, closing the door, pray to your Father, Who is in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open.

I haven't been much of a contemplative lately, no time and no peace! Tonight, though, is a quiet night; Ron is out golfing, the weather is beautiful, so, after a walk to the beach I was able to find some quiet time with God. I need it! Life is swirling around me and a little peace and quiet with God is critical.

The homily in Forty Days to a Closer Walk with God for today was on Centering Prayer, and finding a sacred word to bring your wandering thoughts back into communion with God. It was suggested that you ask God for a sacred word, so I did. I thought He must be mistaken after I received it, but turns out it is a perfect word for me. I can't tell you what it is though, it is a secret between me and Him. It's also suggested that you find a quiet place to just sit and commune with God. Easy to do tonight as I'm home alone. The only problem was, that I really had to chant that sacred word because my mind is racing to and fro and cannot settle in to just being quiet with God. What good is a quiet room without a quiet mind? I hope with practice and a continued desire to know God more I can learn the art of centering prayer.

Isn't the scripture for today great though? I never noticed before that "the Father, who sees in secret, will reward you in the open". An encouragement for life's journey. He sees the secret bad things too, but these He can turn to good when we let Him! It's the letting Him change me part that's hard. Turning my independence into dependence on Him will certainly require years of prayer, centering or not!

Abundant Fruit

I am the Vine. You are the branches.
Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant) fruit. However, apart from Me [cut off from vital union with Me] you can do nothing. John 15:5

I would like to live a life that shows that I have a vital union with Jesus. I know that when I am cut off from Him I can do nothing. I know that I must continually be nourished by Him to have even a small showing of His abundance in my life. I think that one of the nicest things about being in Heaven is that I won't have to strive to be good anymore. I won't have to be tempted to do the not so nice thing and have internal arguments with myself pushing myself towards doing the right thing. I won't have to struggle. I know that God clearly tells us that our struggle is a part of His cutting away those pesky branches that don't bear fruit, but really, it is so tiring and draining. And don't you find it just hard sometimes figuring out exactly what it is God wants you to do? As I wrote that I had to kind of laugh at myself because God clearly tells us to love Him first, and our neighbor second. Rats! That just isn't always an easy!

A friend recently left a message on my phone. It said this: "God is Sovereign, just wanted you to remember that". It's been a message that has been sticking with me. There are circumstances in my life that have been draining my spirit. In my morning prayers, I am continually asking God to: nourish me with His body (John 6:57), make me like a watered garden (Isaiah 58:11), let me drink of Him (John 4:14), to dwell between my shoulders (Deut. 33:12), illumine me with the Holy Spirit (sadly, lost the scripture to that one), and to be yoked with me (Matthew 11:29). I usually end up saying you know God, I just can't do this, You say You're turning me into gold, really, I don't think I'm getting there. I don't feel like people are seeing Your Light when they see me. I'm trusting that little glimmers of You are somehow shining through.

If you've seen the movie "Ghost", you'll remember the scene where Whoopi Goldburg's body is all of a sudden, whoosh, inhabited by the spirit of Sam Wheat, the dead husband. That's what God needs to do with me every day, whoosh, just take me over.

If I could learn the discipline of abiding, I wouldn't need such drastic measures!

Pause and Calmly Think of That

The reading for day 4 is Psalm 46. It's funny, but one of the things I like best about my amplified Bible is the way they expand the word "selah"--pause, and calmly think of that. (In case you wondered, like me, the right pronunciation, it is see-lah),

So, for example:

The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our Refuge (our Fortress and High Tower). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]! (v. 7)
The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our Refuge (our High Tower and Stronghold). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]! (v. 11)

I even like how they put a comma after the word pause, it actually makes you stop and pause.

The whole Psalm is worthwhile pausing and thinking about actually. My favorite verses are 4 and 5:

There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her right early [at the dawn of the morning].

It's interesting to me that tabernacles is plural. There is a sense that we as human beings are now tabernacles in that we carry the light of God in us. In The Message, Eugene Peterson translates "God tabernacled among us" as, God "moved into the neighborhood". So, if we think of ourselves as being a tabernacle wherein we hold the Holy Spirit, well, what does that mean for our neighborhoods? It does make one pause, and calmly think of that!

Fret Not

How neat to have Psalm 37:1-7 as the verses to read for Day 4 in my Forty Days to a Closer Walk with God journey. I ended my morning devotions with this exact same passage. Truly a conversation with God. The passage starts out with "Fret not", but the verses that speak to me are:

Verse 5: Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass.

Verse 7: Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass.

I love the pictures that the Amplified version of the Bible evoke in my head. Roll and repose each care of your load on Him. I see all my burdens like a heavy stone wheel (you know, like in the BC comic strips) and what strength it takes for me to roll this burden on Jesus. I have to lean into the wheel with all my strength to roll it onto the Lord, then I have to let the "wheel of burdens" repose there. Webster's says that one of the meanings of repose is 'to take a rest'. Whew, I can let out a sign of relief now that my burdens are reposing on the Lord!

And then verse 7 - wait for Him and patiently lean yourself on Him. That just makes me feel so relaxed. I think of how good it feels when you're feeling, lost, alone, or just plain down, and then you have a friend that just gives you a great, gentle, loving hug, or just sits with you and holds your hand. It would be nice sometimes to have a physical presence of Jesus to lean into, but I guess that is what God created people for. To all my friends out there, thank you for all the times you have let me lean on you!

A Sound from Heaven

Acts 2: 2, 4
And suddenly there came a sound from heaven like the rushing of a violent tempest blast, and it filled the whole house in which they were sitting . . . and they were all filled (diffused throughout their souls) with the Holy Spirit.

When I think of the Holy Spirit, I think most often of comfort. Yet these verses tell me that the Spirit comes to us like a violent tempest blast, a force to be reckoned with. Sometimes when it's storming I think, this is what the Holy Spirit sounded like when it first came. Not some meek gentle breeze, but a roaring wind. I like to imagine that wind blowing through me and just emptying me out of all the useless stuff that I hang on to, cleaning me out, and setting me back on my feet to do the work God's given me (and you) to do, sharing His good news with the world.

I'm so meek about it. I don't want to offend, or be rejected, so I give a meek little testimony and water down the Spirit, taking away it's power. I think of that old children's song: This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine . . . put it under a bushel - NO!! But, I do put it under a bushel, I limit the power of the Holy Spirit in me by not fulling yielding control of my life to Him.

I think the Holy Spirit is wild and powerful, and life changing. There is a wonderful poem by John Donne (Holy Sonnets: Batter My Heart three person'd God). The following lines capture what I think the Holy Spirit means to do in us:

That I may rise and stand, oer'throw me and bend your force to
break, blow, burn and make me new.

Jeremiah 20:9 also captures the essence of the Holy Spirit that is active in us:

If I say, I will not make mention of [the Lord] or speak any more in His name, in my mind and heart it is as if there were a burning fire shut up in my bones. And I am weary of enduring and holding it in; I cannot [contain it any longer].

Can you imagine the excitement every day would bring if I truly felt like Jeremiah, like holding God's name in was like a burning fire shut up in my bones. Can you imagine the excitement each day would bring if every day I let the powerful Holy Spirit have it's wild and wonderful way with me? Would I be shunned for my fire? Would I care?

And Some Doubted

Day Two of Forty Days to a Closer Walk with God. I read the devotion and settled in for the meditation part. The book suggests that you take the word you use to address God and go no further. You simply address God, quiet yourself, and communicate with Him. I settled in as suggested, sitting up comfortably, closing my eyes to meditate. This is a little challenging for me, to shut off my mind and simply commune with God. I ended up falling asleep, and that would be discouraging, but really, can it be bad to fall asleep with the name of Jesus in your mind?

Matthew 28: 17
And when they saw Him, they fell down and worshiped Him; but some doubted.

The scripture for today was Matthew 28: 16-20. I kept returning to verse 17--I was struck by the fact that some doubted. This is pretty amazing when you think about it. The disciples and others are on the mountaintop, worshiping the resurrected Jesus, and yet, some doubted. I have friends who have said, if I could only just see Jesus, if He would only just talk to me, then I could know, then I could be certain, that He is true and real. But these people in Matthew saw the resurrected Jesus, and yet, some doubted. Isn't this comforting in an odd sort of way? They saw, believed, but still doubted. No doubt these were practical people, or scientific people, whoever they were, they just couldn't believe their eyes. Even for those who saw Jesus, it required faith, just like it requires faith for us today.

I'm not really a person who is plagued by doubt. I like the mystery of Jesus and the gospel. I like that we have a God so big we cannot begin to grasp who He is. I like that mysteriously He is in me, and mysteriously He says that if I am in Him and He is in me, then others may see Him in me too. I think, really? Even when I'm crabby? Even when I'm feeling mean? Even when I'm feeling weak and all alone? Even when I don't feel Him in me?

I hope that people do see Him in me, I pray for that every day, but boy, some days it sure does feel like a stretch!

But You Would Not

I've started a new book: Forty Days to a Closer Walk with God: The Practice of Contemplative Prayer, which walks you through the process of Lectio Divina. In this practice you read scripture and listen for a word from God. Journaling your thoughts is encouraged, and thus I am recording my thoughts here. The suggested scripture for day one is Isaiah 30:15:

"For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: in returning to Me and resting in Me you shall be saved; in quietness and in trusting confidence shall be your strength. But you would not. (Amplified)

Sadly, I think my word from God is: you would not. I read God's promises, I share His promises with others, but deep down, I would not. I would not get my strength from quietness and confidence. I would not rest in God. Even if I get that feeling--you know the one--where you do feel deep down that everything will be all right, I choose not to rest in it. I would not. I'm like the following verses - "I say no - I will speed my own course, I will ride my swift steed doing things my own way". Why do I choose this when I can rest in the Lord God? When quietness and trusting confidence can be my strength? Verse 18 says that "the Lord is a God of justice, and that we are to be envied who expect, look for, and long for Him--His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless unbroken companionship".

My problem is I'm too grounded in this temporal world. I believe this world over and above my heavenly world. I believe this world over and above God. I need to deepen my connection to God. I need to deepen my trust in God. I need to change my would not into I will. I need to rest in God and allow Him to do this work in me.

Inside the Chaos of My Mind

Lara, this post is for you. You wanted to see my sewing or "project" room, and so, here it is. It is full of ideas and imaginings and it is utter chaos, as you can see above!

This room reflects the creative side of me that never seems to have the energy to express itself anymore. My spirit is numbed and benumbed by ITBS, ELPA, MEAP, and Consolidated Grant. I never wanted to be a numbers person for this very reason. Somehow instead of feeding my energy this type of work depletes my energy and when I get home I just collapse exhausted in my chair and escape into a book. One lovely thing about art is that there are no rules, if someone says you can't do that, you just say "why not", or "yes I can" with no worries about the MDE police cracking down on you!

These little glimmerings of creativeness refuse to die, and so they live on in obscurity in my Project Room. They poke and prod at me wanting and waiting to be expressed in some way. They get birthed, so to speak, and then wait in silence to be given life. Now my room is so full of glimmerings that it is daunting to go in there and work on something. (I have other rooms that could house some of my projects, but I'm a little afraid I will take up every empty room in the house!). Enjoy the tour, but don't judge me on my messiness!

Addendum: It occurs to me that perhaps cleaning my project room should have been on my "Six Impossible Things" list!

Sacred Places

Bright Shoots Of Everlastingness: Essays On Faith And The American Wild by Paul J. Willis

My rating: 4 of 5 stars
I am not usually an essay reader, but this book captured my interest with the lovely title. I was hooked by the time I was halfway through the introduction. Why exactly did I like it so much? I think I liked the author's honesty and the gentleness in which he presented it. Take for example this thought:

"American evangelicals are no doubt some of the tackiest, corniest, pigheadedest people on earth. However, They are my people, and I am one of them. By historical accident or design, they are the unsavory husk for the kernel of divine love that has been given for me to taste."

What a great picture of Christianity - the ugliness and the beauty lie side by side.

This book felt like a conversation to me. Not a "hurry up" conversation, but a "let's linger together" conversation. A book to help you slow down and contemplate life rather than just rushing through it. Sometimes it made you ponder, and sometimes you just laughed. I felt like the author could be a great friend.

Willis is not only an author, but a mountain climber. He loves the wilderness, he loves reaching the peak. Why? What draws him there? I recently learned that to the Hebrews, to God's people, the mountains are sacred, or thin, places. The people believed that on the mountain the veil separating us from Heaven is thinning out, that they are closer to Heaven on the mountaintop. Is this what the mountaineer feels--that they are closer to God on the mountaintop?

This led me to consider what would my sacred place be, or yours? Is there a place you feel closer to God? Is it by the water, in a meadow, is it a quiet space you've set up at home? Is it the 5 minutes you might spend on your knees in the morning, is it in the difficult situation you are encountering in life, when you cry out to God for help?

I love the water. Something about the lap of the waves, the sound of the beach grass, the way the sun light hovers over the water like a thousand little tinkerbells dancing soothes me and gives comfort. I saw it just yesterday when I took a walk to the channel at Holland State Park. It made me think of Isaiah 61:10:

I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

I think those thousand little tinkerbells dancing on the water would make a lovely robe of righteousness don't you? At least I always imagine that some day when I am clothed with righteousness, I will be illumined by God's lovelight.

It's my favorite time of year, Easter. So much to contemplate as we come up to Maundy Thursday and Resurrection morning. We don't need to climb a mountain to "thin" the veil that separates us from Heaven. The death of Jesus tore the veil, and there is no separation any more. Any place is sacred that we allow Jesus to have full reign over.

So, find a place, it can be anyplace, and let the sacred take you over and rejoice. He is risen!
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Six Impossible Things

So I'm walking down a hallway, and from the corner of my eyes, I see a stack of books. Hmmm. . . . impossible to pass a stack of books without looking at them. I discover they are all the same book: Firstlight by Sue Monk Kidd. I pick it up, it holds nicely in the hand. I'm excited - I like Sue Monk Kidd. I stop at the office and ask if I can borrow one of the books over the weekend. "Oh, you may have one" the secretary tells me. "Really - to keep?" , "Yes, that's what they're for". Well, it certainly is a good day when you get a free book, and on top of that, discover you really like it! Which leads us to "Six Impossible Things". In one of the little homilies we are reminded that in Alice in Wonderland, the White Queen practiced believing six impossible things before breakfast. Kidd and her daughter decide to give it a try. I'm intrigued. What if I practice six impossible things before breakfast? What would they be? In Firstlight, the daughter wishes for 100 on her science test, and Kidd wishes for completion of two speeches she has to write before tomorrow. Guess what - both their impossible wishes come true. So, here are my six impossible wishes:

1. To wake up full of energy and good cheer (and with balanced hormones). (Buechner says: Grace is a good night's sleep.)
   
2. To create Shalom at work and at home. (Shalom: more than peace, it is where God's will is done--God's purpose is to do everything He can to replace chaos with Shalom)
   
3. To slow down and give full attention to the people who "interrupt" my day.
4. To ask God for guidance before making decisions.
5. To be patient with whatever comes my way.
6. To be content with the life God has given me.

Shalom!

Shalom must surely be one of the most common Hebrew words known around the world! It is pretty much the only Hebrew word I knew when I started an Interactive Hebrew class 2 weeks ago. My good friend Vonnie invited me, and I was eager to attend. The class is taught in a mixture of Hebrew and English. It's fun, informative, and challenging. I am such a reader, I love words, and am finding how much I rely on words to aid me in my learning. To be taught in another language, and pretty much solely by story telling, is to engage my brain in a challenge. I won't come out of the class as a Hebrew linguist, but I will have a new respect for the culture behind the language, the tradition of oral story telling, and the deeper meanings that come from a language other than English. Hebrew language doesn't have as many words as the English language, but the richness of the meanings of the words used adds a depth to their language that is missing from our language, especially in the ways that we write and speak today. When did we lose the richness of our language? I think we need to start a movement to bring it back!

As part of the class we are also reading a book called "Getting Involved With God: Rediscovering the Old Testament" by Ellen F. Davis. We won't be discussing the book (such torture), but it is meant to compliment our learning. We are only supposed to read the chapter assigned to us--whoever heard of such a thing! This is so hard for a person who greedily looks at the books people are reading and wants to snatch and grab them for herself. So, I guess I have to share what I found worth contemplating here. (I did however, notice a book the instructor had on the table called "In Praise of Slowness: Challenging the Cult of Speed" which I rushed right out to buy and am a third of the way through--I tell you, I am not lying when I say I am greedy for books!)

So, our assigned chapter was chapter 5: "Ive Got to Turn Aside: The Burning Bush". The author is making an association between the burning bush and the incarnation. This is what caught my attention:

"Mary, who carried God in her belly and later in her arms, yet did not dissolve to ash--she is herself the bush that burns perpetually, yet is not consumed. That image of Mary, ancient and still fresh, may serve to refresh our reading of Moses' story, which suffers somewhat from over-familiarity. Mary and Moses have this in common: in the history of the world, they are the two people who have known God most intimately, known God in ways that mortal flesh ordinarily could not tolerate without burning to a cinder. The Israelites understood that trespassing on holy ground would bring instant death. The high priest took his life in his hands when he entered the Holy of Holies one day each year, and even he entered the holy place enveloped in smoke, for who could see God and live? Yet God spoke to Moses "face to face, as one speaks to a friend" (Exodus 33:11)--in one place, scripture says "mouth-to-mouth" (Numbers 12:8).

I have never thought of Jesus birth in those terms before. It really is amazing, isn't it. In all the Bible stories before, it's true, the people could not see God, the High Priests had to follow specific rules or die. Yet God placed Jesus in Mary and she lived. It struck me that in a sense we are all like Mary now. God placed the Holy Spirit in us, we carry Him with us through and in everything we say and do. We do not die. We approach Him every day with no consequence other than Love. Even in our disobedience, He loves us. I loved the end of the chapter where the author says:

The flame that burned in the bush at Sinai is the same light to which Mary give birth. It burns yet, and, for all our darkness, is not extinguished. We are in Epiphany, the season of light. Come then, "take your sandals off your feet, for the place where you are standing, it's holy ground".

Be Still My Soul by Elisabeth Elliot
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is the second time I've read this book. Ironically, I pulled it from my shelf looking for "comfort" words, instead of words like:

"God included the hardships of my life in His original plan. Nothing takes Him by surprise. Nothing is for nothing. His plan is to make me holy, and hardship is indispensable for that as long as I live in this hard old world. All I have to do is accept it."

I forgot how practical Elliot is, and true to God's word, and unyielding on the dying to self theme. Do you know how sometimes you're just sick of it, and if someone asks you to do something one more time you just think you'll scream? How sometimes it seems like it would be so nice to have no responsibilities, no none, other than eating cake or sitting on the beach, or anything that only involves the happiness of one person, that person being you? (If you have never been in this place then I think you have the gift of contentment and you are blessed!). Well, that's how I've been feeling lately (not the content part, but the other). So, I looked to Elliot for some good and encouraging words. Oddly, those words didn't provide balm for my soul, but they still did help me. She reminded me that "acceptance of circumstances, the first step in obtaining joy and peace, begins with faith"

I think dying to self has fallen out of favor with the Christian community--it has sure fallen out of favor with me lately! Consider this:

"All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth to those who keep His covenant and His testimonies [Psalm 25:10 NASB]. About this passage Amy Carmichael once wrote in a note to a coworker, "All does not mean 'all but these paths we are in now' or 'nearly all, but perhaps just not this specially difficult painful one.' All must mean all."

More specific to the dying to self theme:

"As His servants, we lay down our desire for a certain quality of life, our insistence that our life must be arranged in a certain way to order to be acceptable. In a word, we deny ourselves."

So, while I didn't get the balm for my soul I was looking for, God sure told me that I need to get back to work on that dying to self thing. He must have thought I needed a good kick in the pants instead of words of comfort!

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The Babs Bon Mots Book Store

So, I'm perusing other people's blogs, and I think I need my own bookstore.

If I had my own bookstore I would require that my employees read while working. After all, it is important to model the importance of reading to all people, and everyone knows, when you are shopping for a book, it is usually best to do so without the interference of other people. Naturally employees would lay their book down to assist with purchases (providing they are not at a very exciting part in the book). To aid in their book search, I would employ a computer look up system similar to what we have at the library, making it very easy to see if we have their special book in stock, and exactly where to find it.

I would have a perpetual book club room where you could stop by for wine and chocolate, or mochas and chocolate, or milk and chocolates (there will definately be chocolates) and talk about books with other bibliophiles. (It is possible we could have some healthy snacks, but, that really is debatable.)

Naturally the bookstore will be filled with comfy chairs, and pillows, and maybe even couches.We will stick to the motto of "Snack, Nap, Read" (I think this may need to be made into a quilt). This very important life lesson should begin as soon as a reader is born (if not before)!

Are any of my friends willing to finance this endeavor?

Take This Bread

Take This Bread: A Radical Conversion by Sara Miles
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
I was intrigued to read this book because of the teaser: "Sara Miles, raised an atheist, wandered into a church, received communion, and found herself transformed--embracing a faith she'd once scorned". Coincidentally, I had just heard a sermon about how the Table is for everyone (see November post). Also, about 6 months ago, I incorporated John 6:57 into my daily prayers: "Just as the living Father sent me and I live by [through, because of:] the Father, even so whoever continues to feed on me [whoever takes me for His food and is nourished by me:] shall [in his turn:] live through and because of me." Amplified Bible. So . . . I was very interested to read this story of a woman who was transformed and nourished, even when she didn't know one thing about what coming to the table meant.

This book will be challenging for you if you have pre-conceived notions about the gay community, bad language, and sexual promiscuity--in other words, if you were brought up in traditional church in West Michigan. Sara Miles is very open about her sexual relationships and her life as an openly gay woman. However, she is also a woman who loves God, and falls deeper and deeper into love with him. She asks good questions of herself, and of us. It reminded me a little bit of an out of print book I read years ago: "What Happens if I Say Damn You God" by Charles Victor Arokiasamy. God is able to handle and answer so many more of our questions than we give Him credit for. But, to get back to Sara's story - she took her experience and made something real and good out of it. She took that nourishment and challenged herself and others to extend nourishment to others in real food for real people in real struggles. She accepts people for who they are, builds relationships with them, and spreads God's love to them. This is what we are called to do, and, for me, this book was a powerful reminder of that.
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