Soul Stirring Conversations With God

"All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but he Lord weights the spirits (the thoughts and intents of the heart). Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will and] so shall your plans be established and succeed."

Proverbs 16:2-3 (AMP)

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refesh your souls.] Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and your will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet for your souls).

Matthew 11:28-29 (AMP)

I"ve started a new Bible Study - Soul Stirring Conversations With God - by Priscilla Shirer (Tony Evan's daughter). It sounds pretty inspiring doesn't it? It is inspiring, but mostly I think, it is convicting. I had decided to skip Bible Study this fall, but Beth called me and told me I HAD to go, explaining that the 5 day study focuses on one subject for the entire 5 days. The first week was on the tongue - I'm sure we can all relate to needing work on that one! This week's lesson is on prioritizing your life. My life hasn't been in the neat little boxes I like it in much this year. So when I got to Lesson 2, with the Proverbs verse, I just felt like it slammed my spirit to it's knees (in a good way). This is so my problem my whole life. I like MY life plan, and God likes His. And even when I am outwardly obedient to Him, well...He knows my spirit, so He's very aware of how I'm rebelling inside. This should be discouraging, but in an odd way it's not. As I'm composing whole conversations in my head to have with people about how my life should be, and wondering who I should choose to talk to, when all of a sudden I think - you big dummy - God is hearing everything you are saying right now, and He is the most confidential confidante of all. He has the best answers, and really, Barb, you already know the answer, so just lay it all (or roll it all on Him). What a comfort (even though it seems a long way off) that He will make my thoughts agreeable to Him (AND, successful!) I had to stop my study and set on this a while, it was so convicting to me.

Lesson three lead into the Matthew verse. I've always loved this verse, especially since reading a sermon by George MacDonald:

"Now, what does this "yoke" mean? Many people have the idea that the Lord takes a yoke and lays it upon you, and that He says, as it were holding the yoke in His hand: 'Come here, and take My yoke upon you.' That is not it at all. "My yoke" means the yoke that I bear, not the yoke that I lay upon you, but the yoke that I an bearing. The eternal Son of God tells us that His own rest of soul, His own peace of mind, just comes from the yoke that He Himself bears. We do not often see in this country two oxen yoked together: but where I live you see not infrequently two lovely oxen walking together with one yoke across the necks of both. That is the idea here. . . it means, take the other end of My yoke and walk with Me, harnessed with Me; we will go together and draw the burden of the Father's Will." (Proving the Unseen - I highly recommend this little book if you can get your hands on it!)

Such a good reminder that I'm not in this by myself, He is there walking right alongside me. I love the amplified version of this verse - not just rest (that's too puny for God), but relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet for your souls. That's what I'm wanting, and I keep letting myself get in the way!

"The Judas Field"

I don't often read books about war, but this book caught my interest during a summer shopping spree at BN - I got about 6 books for $3.50 each and they were all good! "The Judas Field" is a civil war story. The first time I started reading it, I couldn't get into it and put it down. Started it again this past week, and liked it quite a lot. It is a novel about war, and loss, and lives lost, and forever changed, by war. Those touched by it cannot just walk away and forget it - no, war colors their lives forever more. It reminded me in a small way, of, The Things They Carried, a true telling (or as true as their memories can allow) of the experiences of soldiers in the Vietnam era. There is no doubt in my mind that war changes lives forever. We send young men, and women, to fight. A cause may sound noble, but let's face it, war is about killing, it has to become a them or me mentality, or who could survive. How can anyone not be changed by that?

In The Judas Field Cass and Roger talk with Lucian, a 13 year old who becomes part of their unit, about God, and war. . . "Well, now, listen, you-all", said the boy. "If you are scared, do you . . . do you pray before?" "I don't believe God takes any part to speak of," Cass said. "Not in these fights of ours, anyway." "Well, why not?" asked Lucian. "He's in charge, ain't He--you said He was. Don't He pick a favorite?" "It would not be fair if He did," said Cass. "Anyhow, I guess we're all His favorites . . . I mean more or less". . .The conversation goes on and then Roger says that Cass is saying he has faith. "Tomorrow or the next day, there'll be a fight . . . Mister Wakefield (Cass) believes that God takes no sides but hopes for the best for everyone. I happen to believe the same. In a fight, lad, it is not so much us and the Yankees. The Angel of Death wants us all--that's where the real battle is, and why it's all so insane." [italics mine] "Well, could you pray to him then?" asked the boy. "The Angel of Death?" "You could," said Roger, "but he wouldn't listen. Only God does, and He can't help you right then." "Well," said Lucian, "there's no sense in praying a-tall, if you ask me"..."Hush,"said Roger, "Be still and listen, You must have your faith, and it will be sore tested...you look around and you might be tempted to ask where God was when all this happened. . ."He was there, He was there all along, watching and grieving. . .God is there with you, and whatever sorrow you are feeling--well, how infinite must the sorrow be in His heart?". Roger goes on to say, if you decide God is responsible, faith is gone, and no mortal can bear that. . ."That is why we pray, and fervently, but not for preservation"..."What do you ask for then?" said the boy. . ."To be forgiven" Roger says.

To be forgiven . . . it seems the best option, doesn't it?

Surfwise

I was on fire to see this documentary (Surfwise: The Amazing True Odyssey of the Paskowitz Family) about a father who took his wife and 9 children in a 24 foot camper to travel and surf, ditching the conventional life for a life of fun and adventure. The clip, from one of my favorite HD shows, The Ultimate Trailer Show, seemed much more positive than the actual documentary turned out to be. It turned out to be a little more poignant, a little more sad, a little more harsh than what I imagined it would be. Although the children enjoyed what was in many ways an idyllic childhood, they never received any formal schooling, were with their family pretty much 24/7, and when the oldest finally moved out at 23, his father was unhappy with him. Sad because the kids, now married with spouses and on their own, were unprepared to live in the real world. Sad because they harbor some resentment towards their parents, and dad in particular. Sad because they didn't all get together to literally join hands and form the family circle for 10 years. Poignant to hear dad say "I was harsh sometimes, I could have been easier on my kids". Don't all of us as parents feel that way sometimes. There are no do-overs with parenting. We give it our best shot, and then all of us have to forgive each other for the mistakes we make.

In the end, they do all join hands once again, they do forge ahead with lives and jobs (1 brother, who has a son with autism, opened a surf school for children with autism). They actually all lead pretty creative lives, teaching others to surf, being in bands, pursuing graphic arts. It's hard to get that balance between regimented schooling and creativity, and I guess all we can do is keep trying. I think the kids did love their childhood, but wished that they had the balance necessary to pursue their adult dreams and get on in the world.

I, for one, think we all need to put more adventure in our lives. We give up our play too easily to become responsible adults. I hope that there will be a surfer Barb in my future - it looks like fun, and must feel a little like flying.

One More Thought About Books

In The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox Esme's mother says "put the book away Esme...you have read enough for tonight" but Esme (and I can so relate to this) "couldn't because the people on the page and the room they were in were holding her fast . . ."

I'm A Book Glutton

I can only go so long without reading a good book, and then all of a sudden I'm reading 4 of them simultaneously!

After writing about artistry I was inspired to search for a quote that I remembered Frederick Buechner wrote in one of his books - I haven't found it yet, but I did revisit his book WishfulThinking: A Theological ABC where I did find this wonderful reminder of God's mercies being new every morning (Lamentations 3: 17-33..."because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning, Great is Your faithfulness"). Buechner says: "Using the same old materials of earth, air, fire and water, every 24 hours God creates something new out of them. If you think you're seeing the same show all over again seven times a week, you're crazy. Every morning you wake up to something that in all eternity never was before and never will be again. And the you that wakes up was never the same before and will never be the same again either."

I also picked up Buechner's Speak What We Feel (Not What We Ought To Say): Reflections on Literature and Faith. The book jacket says: "Buechner invites readers to discover the deeper joy and purpose of reading. He shows how these writers--by putting their passion and pain into their work--have enabled him to bear the weight of his own grief and sadness by "speaking out from under the burden of theirs." I didn't know Gerard Manley Hopkins lived such a depressing life, although I loved his answer to the question of how a man who loved art and literature became a priest--"You wouldn't give only the dull ones to Almight God". I am going to have to revisit Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn - the story will have new depth for me now that I know some of the details of Twain's childhood. I still have to read the chapters on G.K. Chesterton and Shakespeare.

A new author for me: Ivan Doig (Ryan, you would love this author). I picked up at the bargain price from B/N of like $3.50 The Whistling Season. It was so good - it reminds me in an odd way of Peace Like a River in that it is a good yarn, yet interspersed with so many wonderful memories of the 1 room schoolhouse, and childhood memories, and wanting mothers. What ever happened to the 1 room schoolhouse, and spelling bees, and memorizing poetry and having programs for parents that were a BIG THING! An event that the community would never miss for a million years. We need to try to recreate this in today's society.

I have now picked up his This House of Sky. I'm not very far, have only really read the forward, but evidently this was the first big novel he wrote of his memories of his family and living in Montana. I liked what he says in the forward, and I think it describes the way he writes: "It would be magnificent to do the entire book with this slow care, writing it all as highly charged as poetry..." (from one of his journals).

The Shack

Just finished this book, which a friend just loved. Read about it in the paper a few weeks back, and it seems to have caused some controversy in the Christian community. I liked it, and some parts of it resonated with me more than others . . . but, I didn't love it. The first part of the book was really distracting me -- I recently saw a news magazine story about a kidnapping from a campground that was similar to the situation in the book, so I couldn't get that out of my head. The news magazine story was amazing to me, as the mom actually talked with the killer several times, in the hopes her child was still alive, and forgave him. I admire that, not sure I could do it, even though I truly believe that is what God commands us to do, and also believe that the unforgiveness and anger in your heart will ultimately destroy you.

The second part of the book really gets into the heart of the story - one of relationship with Jesus, and growing in your understanding of Him and how He changes you. I did not feel offended by any of it, and some parts really resonated with me. The book didn't change my life however, or how I feel about being in relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. One person told me, that for them, the book showed how God is so much bigger than we can imagine. I think God is a huge mystery, the Bible tells us, who can understand His ways - I know I sure don't, and often wonder just what He is up to in my life. In church once, a preacher defined mystery as "radical amazement". That's how I picture it will be on the day that we are resurrected - we are going to be soooo radically amazed that I'm not sure we'll even be able to praise Him. We may just stand there in a stupor not able to utter anything at all.

As far as allegory's go, my favorite would be Hinds Feet in High Places by Hannah Hunard. This one really speaks to my heart.

Sister Support

Shared Hope International, is an organization that rescues women and children around the world from sexual slavery. Consider: 12 (twelve!) is the average age of entry into prostitution; 1 in 5 pornographic images on the internet is of a child; at least 100,000 children in the US are victims of commercial sexual exploitation. Where is our outrage! Please visit the website to learn more about the important work this organization does to prevent, rescue and restore girls and women who are in this terrible situation. I first heard about Shared Hope on a radio program--at that time the focus was on rescuing girls in third world countries from being sold into sexual slavery. This is still one of their main focuses, but consider what happens to our runaway girls who end up in Las Vegas and end up being sex slaves here in our own country! Hearts and minds are being destroyed by this sex trade. Please consider making a donation to support the rescue of these girls.

Depilex Smile Again Organization helps female survivors of acid and kerosene oil burns in Pakistan by providing them appropriate medical attention and reconstructive surgery, psychological/psychiatric support, shelter and vocational training. I read about this in the Grand Rapids Press. Men disfigure these women because they have not received enough dowry, or they have been rejected for marriage or they don't want another girl in their family! Imagine! The story was about 2 of these women who started a beauty shop - good for them! One of them, Liaqat, 21 (she was burned because she wanted to finish school before she married her husband), says "every person wishes that he or she is beautiful, but in my view, your face is not everything. Real beauty lies inside a person, not outside. Visit MSNBC for the full story and photos. This will become another organization I will support financially.

Madeline L'Engle

I was inspired, after writing about my summer art experience, to revisit "Walking On Water: Reflections on Faith and Art". Consider these thoughts from Madeline:

"From Coleridge comes the phrase, the willing suspension of disbelief, that ability to believe which is born firmly in all children, and which too often withers as we are taught that the world of faerie and imagination is not true."

"One of the great sorrows which came to human beings when Adam and Eve left the Garden was the loss of memory, memory of all that God's children are meant to be".

"The artist, if he is not to forget how to listen, must retain the vision which includes angels and dragons and unicorns, and all the lovely creatures which our world would put in a box marekd Children Only."

and this. . . on TV:

"Creative involvement: that's the basic difference between reading a book and watching TV. In watching TV we are passive; sponges; we do nothing. In reading we must become creators. Once the child has learned to read alone, and can pick up a book without illustrations, he must become a creator, imagining the setting of the story, visualizing the characters, seeing facial expressions, hearing the inflection of voices. The author and the reader "know" each other: they meet on the bridge of words".

I LOVE that :-)

And, one last thing (it's hard, this book is so FULL of good things)!

"In art we are once again able to do all the things we have forgotten; we are able to walk on water; we speak to the angels who call us; we move, unfettered, among the stars. We write, we make music, we draw pictures, because we are listening for meaning, feeling for healing. And during the writing of the story, or the painting, or the composing or singing or playing, we are returned to that open creativity which was ours when we were children. We cannot be mature artists if we have lost the ability to believe which we had as children. An artist at work is in a condition of complete and total faith."

More Thoughts on Sarah Palin

I stayed up waaaaay past my bedtime last night to listen to Sarah's speech. Her story intrigues me so much. She has way more charisma than McCain, and I loved her youngest daughter who was just loving up the crowd - and her baby brother! Very cool to me that she doesn't hide Bristol, or make excuses for her, but just loves her. It's amazing to me that a possible VP of the United States of America ended her speech by bringing up her family and holding her baby. I think, more than anything, she has captured the imagination of the people.

Why Am I Dreaming About Sarah Palin?

Wow. The last 2 nights I've had dreams about Sarah Palin, the new VP choice for John McCain. I'm not sure why. I do feel a little worried about her family. I mean, really, they are from small town Alaska, and now their mom is the VP nominee. Do they know how totally their lives are going to change? Can a move to Washington DC ruin a family, or strengthen it?

She totally intrigues me. She has FIVE kids, the youngest with Downs Syndrome. Her husband is just a normal guy who works for $47,000 a year. Her degree is in journalism for pete's sake! A total surprise pick. I just have to wonder about her . . . what is God doing with her life? How is He using this circumstance, this event, to shape her, and perhaps, America?

What I have seen of her so far shows a woman who is comfortable in the spotlight, seems sure of her convictions, and speaks with polish and ease. I'll be curious to hear her speech tomorrow and to see how people will react to the campaign. Anything could happen - this is America, the land of mavericks, and, we always do love the underdog!

Artist in the Making?

This summer I took a watercolor class with one of my good friends. My artwork may not be fantastic, but it was fun and I learned a lot about not being too serious about art in general. Art is about play, and letting go of your inhibitions and worries that you're not good enough and just having fun with color and shapes and laughing a lot. Everyone wants to create, and we often don't want to take the chance of being laughed at, or feeling stupid, when we should just be having fun.

My 81 year old neighbor still loves to create. She fashions magnets out of little pieces of plastic that you melt together with an iron. She made dogs, flowers, smiley face suns, butterflies. She glues magnets on the back so that her art can be hung on a refrigerator.

People create with their yards all the time - and look at all the time we spend decorating our faces and our bodies (I'm not talking tattoos here, but clothing!). Jesus knew what he was talking about when he said we should be more like little children - they create with a freedom and abandon that we don't know as adults. That's one of my goals this year - to give up a little seriousness, and make a little more room for art and laughter!

Madeline L'Engle has a great book on art: "Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art". It's one of my favorite books of all time :-)