Is This the Hasid Way?

Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots by Deborah Feldman

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book wasn't quite what I expected. For some reason, I was expecting it to be to similar in style to Lauren Winner's "Girl Meets God". In Winner's book, she speaks with such love and regret about leaving some of the Jewish traditions behind. Of course, Lauren was not a Hasidic Jew.

My main impression after reading this book was a feeling of disbelief. How can it be that in America girls and women can live such oppressed lives. How can it be that girls (at least in this particular Hasidic community) are discouraged from speaking and reading in English, and from reaching their full intellectual potential. How can it be that a 17 year old young woman and her husband cannot know how to consummate their marriage?

I am not entirely unfamiliar with Hasidic customs from reading the novels of Chaim Potok. For instance, the custom of married woman having to wear a wig as a head covering. However, Potok's novels seem to deal with Hasidism in a more tender way. He points out the rigidness of this facet of Judaism, but through a lens of kindness. You won't get that feeling from this memoir. In fact, you'll cringe at some of the stories and practices that Deborah shares. She is very frank, particularly as regarding the sexual struggles of her marriage, her desire to be viewed as an independent and worthwhile woman, and her impatience with the restrictions put on her as a Hasidic woman.

I am not a Jewish woman, much less a Hasidic Jewish woman, so I cannot know what it feels like to be a woman living in such a community. It seems like the rules would chafe my independent spirit, but perhaps, if I grew up in the Hasid way, I would have a love and respect for these customs that is escaping me. However, if girls are truly discouraged from reaching their full potential, then I do find that to be oppression.

After finishing the book, and prior to writing this review, I googled Deborah Feldman and found that there are those that are accusing her of lying in her book. Are these attacks against her because she has exposed the Hasidic community, or has she told untruths? I don't know the answer to that question, but I can tell you it was an interesting book, a quick read, and will provide you with some food for thought--particularly if you research other reviews and blogs after (or before) reading.

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