But You Would Not

I've started a new book: Forty Days to a Closer Walk with God: The Practice of Contemplative Prayer, which walks you through the process of Lectio Divina. In this practice you read scripture and listen for a word from God. Journaling your thoughts is encouraged, and thus I am recording my thoughts here. The suggested scripture for day one is Isaiah 30:15:

"For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: in returning to Me and resting in Me you shall be saved; in quietness and in trusting confidence shall be your strength. But you would not. (Amplified)

Sadly, I think my word from God is: you would not. I read God's promises, I share His promises with others, but deep down, I would not. I would not get my strength from quietness and confidence. I would not rest in God. Even if I get that feeling--you know the one--where you do feel deep down that everything will be all right, I choose not to rest in it. I would not. I'm like the following verses - "I say no - I will speed my own course, I will ride my swift steed doing things my own way". Why do I choose this when I can rest in the Lord God? When quietness and trusting confidence can be my strength? Verse 18 says that "the Lord is a God of justice, and that we are to be envied who expect, look for, and long for Him--His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless unbroken companionship".

My problem is I'm too grounded in this temporal world. I believe this world over and above my heavenly world. I believe this world over and above God. I need to deepen my connection to God. I need to deepen my trust in God. I need to change my would not into I will. I need to rest in God and allow Him to do this work in me.